Miss Hag #1 is off enjoying herself in Melbourne while Ms Hag #2 (yours truly) is trolling Booking.com and Expedia for reasonable accommodation deals which mean that I dont have to sell a kidney before we leave in October!
The conversation last night was hilarious as we tried to work out the first half of our holiday so that I can start looking for rooms.
She was in Melbourne and I was in Newcastle - she had a map as huge as a double bed and I had three Lonely Planet Guide Books.
Unfortunately some of our route depends on whether we have to cross water at any time.
I get vertigo.
Badly.
Very badly.
Getting on a boat/ferry or anything that moves on water is a huge no - no.
I would rather slit my own wrists with a blunt razor!
So after a bit of trauma and making sure that any boat journeys would last no longer than 2 minutes we agreed on a course of action and then the fun began - I LOVE searching for accommodation.
Now not always am I successful at finding a good spot (AKA the "GLASGOW INCIDENT"..which we shall not mention!)...but mostly I don't do too badly.
Some of the must haves are twin beds (not a double - even a big double) as Gayle has a tendency to drink water at night and she ha,s on one occasion, tried to drown me when she tipped her bottle on my bed and promptly fell asleep, whilst I awoke from a dream where I swear was sinking into an ocean...only to realise that half of the bed was totally wet and Gayle went on snoring. It took me a moment to work out how I got from that ocean to my bed and where the hell was I?
LOVE YOU TRAVEL BITCH!
Another must have is free parking - its amazing how much parking costs when its not available at the hotel/accommodation. We also fell into that hole in Glasgow (at the place that shall not be mentioned) as the parking was half a kilometer away, past bars filled and overflowing with drunk Glaswegians while us two menopausal hags pushed our enormous suitcases through the streets in abject horror at the end of our hormonal tethers.
Another thing we want is preferably a toilet is not IN the bedroom.
Yes..this is what we had in London at the Ibis in Whitechapel on our last journey.
Our bathroom was a glass cube in the middle of the bedroom.
If it wasnt so funny it would be rather terrible.
Our clothes had to be laid on the floor in front of the "CUBE" as there were no hooks inside.
We would undress throw our clothes out, use the toilet, whilst singing loudly and then turned on the water to shower.
To add to the glorious ambiance....when you turned on the shower it had disco lights!!
Amazing...back to the 80's!
We were LIVING THE DREAM MAN!!
So I am sure there will be more surprises as the hotel photos end up not being what we actually experience.
but then..if all was perfect it wouldnt be half the fun.
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